What could I have done more?
I keep asking myself what is wrong
I dwell into questions I got no answers to
I eat my words up through my gaping mouth

You know I can't be around
I hide my feelings beneath this
I'm afraid i can't live up to
Afraid i can't keep up with

I'm sorry, i can't be
I'm sorry, i shouldn't have
I apologize for my shortcomings
I regret my correct decisions and my close shaves

I don't want to break you
Nor do I wanna see you hurt and cry
As big as my ego can swell
I do realize and I do empathize

I won't change my ways
'm not much of a hypocrite to do so
I'm just an insignificant
At times i don't practice wat i preach

But to hurt and break your heart is one thing
iId never even imagine of doing...

love,
me.

Patched-up Perfection

I sit here alone,
While the jukebox sings my song..
Had I stood up and walked away,
This ache would've gone away.

I keep trying every night,
But nothing's wrong, nothing's ever right.
Try to keep calm but i keep tripping
Try to be steady but i keep on slippin

Try as much as i may,
As much as i might.
The future don't look so bright.

haha... sorry eh...

okok, i admit i haven't been blogging at all. its been so long since i've been online till it gets to the point where my inbox's full with junk.

been absolutely hectic with work. raye pn tak jalan sey... huak huak...

although i had a mini-getaway last week to kl with shaheela and sharmeela. okok imagine...
1st day - 2 girls and a guy in a hotel room
by the 2nd day - 2 drunk girls and a drunk guy in hotel room

and we were there for 3 nights mind you! hehe...

that oughta spice things up a bit don't you think. hehe... imaginations are meant to run wild, you know. pictures coming up soon, if i can grab them from "quackquack" sharmeela.


enough already. has anybody listened to metallica's new cd? i actually don't care what you think... but i absolutely think its awesome!!!!
superb lyrics and much more intricate music arrangements than i had actually expected. sometimes when you think a band 's gonna just burn out and wash out, they just rise again... whoa!! so epic uh?! haha... but seriously, i love it.


well... i know its just a short entry but hey.. i gotta start somewhere right?? again... bluegh!!
till next time dudes and dudettes...

what's love

What’s love gotta do with it
Gotta do with it, gotta do with it?
What’s love gotta do with it
Gotta do with it, gotta do with it?
What’s love?

That’s it can’t take no more
I’m leaving got one foot through the door
But I love you
I had my doubts before, I thought it through now I’m gone fi sure
But I
Can’t let you tie me down, I wanna have fun and mess around
But I love you
I gotta stand my ground though you are the best thing I found

What’s love gotta do with it
Gotta do with it, gotta do with it?
What’s love gotta do with it
Gotta do with it, gotta do with it?
What’s love?

I hope for goodness sake
That you would just cheat, make some mistake
But I love you
So perfect, wouldn't break
You gave me no reason to escape
But I love you

love, actually.

But for now let me say, without hope or agenda, to me, you're perfect. And my wasted heart will love you...

ho ho ho... merry merry snowmen...

I do realise that it has been ages since i actually updated. God, life has changed soo much since the last update. Work has been hectic (partly to blamed for the serious lack of updates) and i'm single.

There was nothing wrong with fatin. She could've been easily the best girlfriend i ever had. Ever. Period. Something just wasn't working. I refuse to be so typical of a guy but its me, not her. just me, not her...

I didn't wish to break your heart. I wish he'll treat you better.

and so... *inhales deeply*

and life goes on.

She

ok, this a new one.. i think cos its quite old... its for that special woman in your life but she's gone and you don't know where she is. i wrote this number, i guess, more than a year ago. i don't know if the band's gonna agree on a super sappy song but I've got good reviews from outsiders.. so yea.

She

She lifts me up to the skies
She opens up my eyes
Maybe one fine day
She’ll be mine again

She’s my infatuation
My euphoric state of mind
She drives me wild
Like morphine for this ache of mine
She’s the reason I’m alive

Maybe you'll come back again
Maybe you'll disappear
Could it be that you're somewhere?
Could it be that you're near?

my band...

ok... latest update on my band.. we got a new drummer right.. and he's hitting the right notes with our songs. "Again" is even becoming an instant humming hit with his hardcore brothers and other non-believers.

well...

From left: Alip - Drums
Faril - Bass
Ipan - Guitar
Imran - Vocals
Pet - Guitar

sheez...

See... Told ya I'll attract attention with the previous post. Okok... Lemme get this straight, for the benefit of those people who are a little bit slower than the rest.

I have a girlfriend now. I'm not missing Diy the girlfriend or the ex... but only as the friend. That is all there is to that. So yeah..

peace.. hahaha...

a letter to an old friend

To an old friend,

I wrote this letter hundreds of times in my head only to eventually throw this idea out of the window. I was worried that this could make you hate me even more.
But..

"Maybe this decision was a mistake
You probably don't care what I have to say
Its been heavy on my mind for months now
Guess I'm tryna clear some mental space."

Its been awhile since I last heard your voice calling, saying out my name. I'm saying this only as somebody who was the closest human being by your side for a good number of years. Is it really fair that at some point of time you decided to hate me?

If you're reading this, I'm not wishing you'd call me. I'm not wishing anymore than your good health and happiness... its just... Again, i guess I'm just tryna clear some mental space. Somehow, i feel that if you saw me on the streets, you'd just pass me by and pretend to not know me at all.
The question is, why have we come to such a state? Did you have to try to hate me to get away, to the point of actually hating me?

This time around, I'm not reminiscing of memories, smiling alone of happier times, but its just that somehow along with all those years, you turned to my bestest friend.. and to just lose you, THE friend, in a matter of days, seemed disastrous.

"I just wonder, do you ever think of me.. anymore, do you?"

Sometimes i do wonder, do i ever cross your mind? Not anything more than just the personal state of being I'm in. I guess its one of the few thousand questions going through my head i have about you...

In case you're still reading this, I'm not here to tell you i miss you. Miss you like the sun misses the flower, the flowers in the depth of winter bullshit... But its more of I miss the person, the laughter, the eyes, and the smile of the friend they call Diy.

Yes its you. However knowing you, I have to stress, this is not about my romanticized attachment I had towards you. I buried it with all the years. Again, I guest I just needed to clear some mental space.

"I swear I'm not tryna start no trouble, tell you fiance he can relax."

There's no need to unleash your boyfriend on me. There's nothing he has to be afraid of. I'm not desperately trying to catch your attention wishing you'd call me this very second. Don't you think this is a much too foolish thing for someone to do, even for an exceptionally foolish person like me?

I'm gonna be angering a lot of people with this letter, having more questioning my intentions. But my intentions are as clear as the words I write here.

Time and again, I wish only for your good health and happiness. And I do hope you're in that state right now.

Till I see that forever warm smile and ever bright eyes on the streets, you take care, friend.

love,
Me.

The Blinding Dark

My arms spread wide
My fingers yearn for touch
The black blinds me
This journey through the dark

The echoes hit me back
My shouts go even deeper
The silence binds me
The loudness I crave further

Show me the light
This tunnel seem endless
For I am a slave to the dark...
...A slave to the dark.

Somebody please save me
Please take me away
How long till I can see
Till the dark fades away

in the end

So yeah.. Yesterday meant the end of part 1 of my SATS arrival/departure course...

Its has been a joy being in class with these batch of people but cliched as it might sound, everything has its end.

For example, I found a really good friend in Lydia that most people think we're together. I have great lunching partners with Lydia, Anne, Faridah, Hudah and last, not the least but surely the cutest, Humairah. Yeah... But i'm not saying that the rest isn't at all fun. Good Luck yeah guys...

I'll see you people around.

a guy, a whole lotta girls and a very small space

I promised photos, i give you photos...

Imran and the girls.. (from front: humaira, huda, endah, priya, eetheng, faridah, siti, lydia& me!



The girls deciding how to pose.



Imran & Lydia



the 2 chilli padis... humaira and huda



Sham & me goofing around



Bonding with the reflections



The 3 Divas



Lunch Break

Yeah yeah.. and so this is how it is at work..

horseballs and brinjols

goozness! Its the 9th already...

Lotsa things happened in within the first 9 days of April... Seriously.

I started work with SATS officially on the 1st. Got great batch-mates. Cool people, or might i say chicks cos there's only two guys among 24 girls. Oh come on... Don't judge me like that.

Got orientated around the airport (yeah, like i needed some.. huak huak) and got to know my new colleagues.
AND I LOST MY ZIPPO!!! shit...!

Ok ok...

From then till now I've been attending classes, religiously i might add, at Cargo Complex. Boring, but still, essential.
And why am i up so early today? Cos I'm up learning for a test today. Yeah...
Do you know how long has it been since I sat for any freaking test? Eons boys and girls, Eons...

And yeah before i forget, BAND UPDATE!

my band just inducted this kick-ass drummer Ipan got hold of from some forum over the Internet. Oh my, can he play, even up to a point where we thought he was too good for us. But heck, we a full band now.

Now we gotta find a nice-sounding name.. help?


yeah yeah...
Gonna be posting pics of my new colleagues soon. (tomorrow in fact if I'm not too lazy. hurhur..)

till then, signing off!

extra! extra!

Yeah yeah... This song was written on the spot at Pasir Ris Park during our out-of-the-jamming studio session. A sappy-sounding sound, showing our soft sides and actually having the 4 of us (excluding the drummer cos we don't have one) agreeing that this song is us.

well... here goes.. the raw and original version on Again


Again

Passing time through the night
Dead silence fills the sound tonight,
Again.
Listen to this soul
Find my way back, again.

The streets light up my nights
Lighting up my path
Again
Its killing me deep inside
Breaking me up, slow

Oh god what has time (Oh god, what has time)
Done to me?
Oh god what has time (Oh god, what has time)
Made me be?
Oh god what has time (Oh god, what has time)
Done to me?
Oh god where
Have you led me?

Crystal balls don't help
My future uncertain, again.
Listen to this soul
Keep me alive, again.

****--****
lyrics witten by - Higen
Music written by - Pet, Ipan, Pharil

coming to your friendly radio stations soon.. real soon.

yeah yeah!

worn out

What is this that's keeping me awake?
Is it just fair that your scent still lingers?
Is it right that i must still fight?
This is not what i need, this is just not right.

This needs to end
This needs to cease
I'm tired, i'm done
I'm worn out, i'm done.

Can't you hear me?
Cos I'm is yelling out.
Killing you i don't want to
I just want you out.

This needs to end
This needs to cease
I'm tired, i'm done
I'm worn out, i'm done.

dipshits and dipsticks...

Hiya everyone... *dorky Barney tone*

well well... looks like I'll not be going off to KL with Mir at all. My GrandDaddy is now in hospital just recovering from his hernia operation. Me being the only one currently jobless and school-less means i volunteer myself to every step where my help is needed. and yah.. the other cousins are not helping.

I spent the whole day yesterday at SGH A&E ward along with Mommy and an uncle trying to get my GrandDaddy a fast checkup and get him warded... But it seems that a quarter of Singapore's population decided to get sick and rush down to SGH cos the other hospitals A&E was too full...

seriously.. kimek, orang kalau dah sakit tunggu lama2 makin lagi sakit siak. Plus, they had this stupid final yr med students' practical exams that some beds were occupied for the sake of this. err... hello... go get your own beds... and the had the cheek to write on the notices they put up on the wall, "your care will not be compromised" so, "where're our beds, bitch?" Haha...

Now i gotta sleep.. toodles..

good nyte.. err.. i mean morning. good morning.

My Band

Thats (from right) Higen, Pet, Pharil, An, Ipan...

Yeah2!!

feel the lazy...

Look, this is really tiring...

People coming up to me and telling me to update.. Dunnoe uh like very the lazy.

Anyways, SATS is being an ass not calling and all. Lucky got the $10/hr shipping line jop. But that one also tgk kapal. irritating noe wait wait...

Btw, I'm supposed to join Mir go KL this coming weekend but due to the lack of vessels = no income generated, I might as well forget about the whole thing. *crossing fingers* I really wanna go ley.


OKOK... Besides that point, I'm in a band now. A rock band. Gave my old campmate Pet a call, a coupla weeks ago, and he told me his band needed a vocalist. All i needed was an invitation and i was down at the next jam session before you could even say anything. really... anything. huak huak..

The band doesn't have a nice-sounding name yet... but there's

Imran - Vocalist
Pet & Ipan - Guitarists
Pharil - Bassist
An - Drummer

I got a kick-ass band. When Pet asked me along, i was asking him what the played. He told me they were doing a cover of Ozzy's Crazy Train. Other than that its all originals... i think i picked up quite well and yey! Abang got indicted. haha....

One problem though, our drummer lari. I mean, i don't blame him cos he's got two jobs and i think he want to kawin. hahaha... but he was a hell of a drumma. He was Armin's drummer back in their black metal days in NERRAKA.

So this is a notice to everyone..
If there's a drummer out there, wants to play in a fun-serious-kick-ass band, do drop me an email, or sms or call... hp no:93889040.

PS: Sorry for the boringness in the entry... its been a long time. Mcm out of touch gitulo..

Well well... taking care ya everyone.

...

I'm a movement by myself.
But I'm a force when we're together.
Mami I'm good all by myself.
But baby you, you make me better...

goodbyes...

I resigned from my job today... Sure it wasn't nice to say goodbye, but somehow it felt like a relief.
I like the job, enjoy the company of the people but circumstances forbids. It has come to the point where most of the time I'd find myself worn out by the time I reach my workplace... Well then..

But i got a new job! huak huak... Daddy pulled a few strings here and there and i got a job at THE Changi Airport doing passenger services. Hahaha.... Alhamdulillah rezekiku murah. I'm gonna go sleep now cos gotta meet baby in a while.

Sheesh!

G'night you boozers..

Ape la sangat kau tu...

Batu karang di tepi lautan

Batu longkang di tepi jalan

-yuan andre


haha... mepek...




well.. more pics of work...

Bedroom Rock....

I have issues...
1) Has our society really achieved a gracious society status, working well towards it or are we're still waayy too far off?

I mean, I have see to much of an instance to have actually realised that its actually asking too much for graciousness, courtesy and kindness. As the norm goes, respect your elders. Do the elders respect you? Do the old ladies rushing to board the train give space for you to alight first before go on to their ongoing everyday struggle to get a seat? Do they have to actually rush? They wouldn't have to if only 85% of younger "gracious" citizens would give up their seat for a worthier occupant. I'm just like this cos I'm just a regular public transport user. And I'm confused. heh...

2) 100% of girls are confused

Alai and I had a discussion while seating down smoking on the rooftop of one particular vessel. As the heading goes, 100% of girls are confused. Really, if you think about it hard enough.
OK. Lets divide it to 2 parts.

Part 1 - For those in a relationship
1.1 How many times have couples had too big a tiff cos when the guy asks, "Where you do feel like eating?"
The girl answers "I don't know.. Up to You."
And when you suggest a place that your stomach, more than your brain, wants to go they give you this I'm-not-sure-and-i-kinda-disagree look.
See... Confusion at its best.

And how many times have you told a white lie... or heck, a lie when your girlfriend probes on you and she would believe you and take it wholesale. But when you really simply, honestly, sincerely and from the heart answer a simple question, they doubt you and give you this don't-you-dare-to-even-think-about-it look...
And then chills go down your spine like YOU are guilty.
See! Confusion again.
Shit... Now because of your own confusion, you make us confused.


Part 2 - For the girls contemplating to go into a relationship.

You've been going out with 3 guys. All different in their own way, attractive in their own right.
guy no. 1 = not handsome + money + bike + bad sex + small dick
guy no. 2 = Handsome + moderate income + public transport + pleasurable sex + big dick
guy no. 3 = OK looking + broke + treats you good + teeny weeny bit better than guy no. 2 sex + average-sized dick

So all 3 want to be with you. But lo and behold, another guy comes along. Too new to classify... But strangely enough, more often than not, about 75% of you will jump to guy no. 4's ship. Why? I don't know, and you girls would definitely not know. Again...Why? Cos y'all just confused.

Ha ha... Pardon my mild mannered French. I'm just being random.

Apologies

Excuse me for the dreadful lack of updates... I guess life must be really fulfilling to be blogging. ehekz..


But seriously, although new happenings in life are far in between but the present state of life is enough. Been spending a whole lotta time with Fatin, go here, go there... and Adibah got the pox. huak huak!!












And yes! Work! Been fine... I have the complete team to work with. We are the Muchachos! There's Hair the cheip, Abg Zul the Senior Remaja, Alai the abang2 tahu, Andre the Evo Fanatic, and me!yeah...


well... thats just Alai, Andre and me doing dorky stuff while waiting for the vessels to dock. You should see what we do to the Camry's on board...

till the next time... anyways, does anybody have jobs available... cos i'm thinking of switching jobs.
till then, tata!

harpie neuw yah!

harpie neuw yah!!!

that is all i have to say. hehe...