randomness

I want to feel like i don't care, but i can't help but bother.

I shouldn't feel like this, but i can't help it.

You seem very fine to have got "rid" of me, but why do i keep on fighting for it?

Maybe there is something worth salvaging?

Or maybe i finally tell myself to not give up like I've always done and keep running through and dodge them bullets?

well, i don't know. i guess i have to ride the waves and accept the circumstances.

i don't wanna keep on ranting. but i can't tell anybody anymore.

she would probably think i'm clogging up her space with my problems, if they seem like problems worth going over anymore. if i'm wrong please do tell me so. cos this is how i feel.

another thing i don't get. exactly how much space is needed when there is a request for space?

do i need to automatically know where the line has been drawn?

is there a book pertaining how much space should be given in the case of

"bf-vs-gf: the case of the time off"?

am i supposed to stuff whatever habits accumulated during this one year into the drawers, onto the dressing table and leave it till there is finally use for it, or in this case, you think its OK for 'us' to resume, or, end?

unlike you, i don't rely on friends to 'meditate'. but with you i just crumble. no friends can bring me up. nobody. but you.

you do not understand how much importance you hold in my life. or you just simply choose to ignore because according to you, "do not underestimate my cruelty".

trust me, cruelty is a small word for what i know you can become.

thats it then.

i'm gonna try to tuck in now. not that you know anyways.

toodles.

ermmmm.....

I tried to sleep. I fell asleep. And i thought that'll be the end of that.
NOOOOOOOOOO.....

The garbage truck driver just had to wake me up through his constant loud horning, just to make his presence known to the banglas, who were probably having their breakfast, to open up the shutters for the garbage place thingythingy.

Now i cannot sleep. I don't wanna wake gf up. she needs her beauty sleep. Haha... Excuses.

So i had this sudden urge to turn the laptop. After surfing, i had this strange urge to blog. Haha.. Wierd right?

Actually, like the title says, i don't really know what i wanna type down. So yea, errmmmm....
Haha...

Firstly to Mir, i would miss you being so near yet so far. Woodlands seem so far although its just a tiny island we live over here.

Second, i read some things over the net just now. Got a few things that made me a bit sad. Or maybe i'm just playing up the drama.

The world's ending people.
Global warming is real and many people or children are dying. Shiatte... i could be a UN ambassador.
Liars are accusing other people of lies and betrayal.
Immunity makes people think they can get away with anything.
Sex is becoming too public. And wanking off is just not the way to go anymore. Haha..
And god is so angry he chose to shake the world a few times these past few years.

So yea. It was quite an unpleasant morning to begin with.

And so i leave you with something i wrote quite a long time ago, yet unpublished.

My heart is heavy
My damn feet are cold
The fags are not working on me today
I'm not calm, agitated much.
So you think i won't figure it out
or even uncover it?
However you might think i don't know,
However you think i can forgo.
So here's the middle finger to you
And the rest of your world.
Fuck you, fuck him, and fuck you every little queer
Who have sought or even thought bad abt me.
Cos i just found somebody,
High and mighty, brought to it knees,
In shame, unknowingly.
So i trudge on, chin held high
With the facade of being nothing else
But perfectly normal in your eyes.
I might bite you hard one day,
But for now, i'll settle for nibbling on you
Slowly before i get there,
Someday.
Cheers!

Dear you

I am but just a man. I try my best but sometimes, well, more often than not, I slip.

A man, ego. I give in only at the last minute, stubborn like a donkey. But you are always on my mind, and I always want the best fr you. Even though that doesn't always come true, I try to give you the next best thing. The things I do for you, us, I do with love.

I just wanted you to know that.

Love,
me.

Just when all seems fine
And all pain free,
You jab another pin,
jab another pin in me...

- Metallica

I fucked up today. Big-ass time. She shouldn't hve to get hurt like this.

Hmm....

To decieve or be decieved??

The question shall be left unanswered, I suppose...