I for one, do not know why I'm back here after all this time. Maybe I just need to let some things out, shout some out, or just cry a few out. Facebook's too public, instagram's just photos. Guess I have too many things to say that facebook or instagram doesn't have enough space to accomodate. So here I am, back to this, my good old blog. Dee broke up with me 2 freakin days before my birthday. And 3 weeks later confesses to have something for Ilyas. Ooo... That was actually too much to handle. I haven't been myself since. I haven't been going out. I only have so much to show for a half-fucked effort at finding a job. I keep telling myself to forget her, us. I keep sayung that something better will come my way. I just got to get up and go. Question is, what if better was something I never wanted and second best will always be what I think I'll know from now on? I know I'm well deep in selfish thinking. Too hurt to climb back up. I am happy that she found so much happiness with him. As long as she is happy, I will be happy, for her. I haven't been the best partner all these years, but I think I'll be glad to say I tried. But I'm still fucking miserable. And I think all that about she wanting to find herself, rediscovering her spark was just a load of grade-A, stanky-ass bucket of bullcrap and a whole pint of diabetic yellow horse piss. There I said it. She has always had a soft spot for him and vice versa. And I trusted both of them with the sanctity of my relationships that it turns out they turned and bit a big chunk of my ass off just like that. They can be as sorry as sorry can get but I feel its not fair that I got hurt just so they can be happy. Call me a hater but I'm scarred, oh so sue me. Well I think this is for now. Lovelife sucks and I miss her so damn much. Its ok if she don't but its just that I do. Heartbreaks are so mainstream, and I'm trying to refrain from mainstreaming too much. Till we meet again, whoever you are.